Sunday, January 12, 2020

Colorado Hobbyist Prepping Party January 11, 2020

The ColoradoHobbyistFB had a Prepping Party Event on January 11, 2020 for NaMoPaiMo

It was held at Regan O'Keefe's home. 

It was a lovely day, both in weather and in getting to hang with model horse people that I don't get to see that often. 

It only took about an hour fifteen with Saturday morning traffic to get their from Estes. We were shown around Regan's collection and then we started working. 

There only ended up being 4 of us, but it was very fun! And we managed to get a few things worked on. 

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Coffee With A Cop - Estes Park PD January 7, 2020

The Estes Park Police Department and Starbucks partnered for a night of "Coffee with a Cop" at the coffee giant's Estes Park location. 

There was no set forum, just tables where officers talked to the public in a one on one or group situation. Some of the officers even stepped behind the counter to learn the workings of making patron's favorite drinks. 

It was a fun time and a good community builder. I think everyone enjoyed themselves. 

Sunday, January 5, 2020

ADHD & being an artist

As some one who has suffered from ADHD all her life, I find art a chore anymore. I love doing artistic things: playing the piano, playing the flute, playing the guitar, singing, writing, painting, etc. The problem is, for me anyway, the older I get the worse the voices in my head are about what I am doing.

When I was younger, my ADHD made me hyper and unable to really focus well. As I get older, I hyper focus on things and fun has given way to being competitive and having to be better than others and not just myself. It’s to the point now that I no longer find things to be fun anymore.

Model horse artistry started as a hobby for me – collecting models because I loved horses and then getting into showing and painting. In the last 10-15 years I have really no longer found it fun to do them. Mostly because the competition at shows feels like I am drowning while looking at everyone else do better. I have been in model horses – showing and painting – since 1983.

I have found the negative voices inside my head to be far worse now that when I was 21. I would lose at a show and be like “one judge, one day” and just go on my way laughing and having fun.  Now I find myself ripping apart everything and models I just painted being stripped because out of a class of 20 I didn’t place 1-6 and so my work is Sh&t and needs to go. I have thrown more breyers in the trash and stripped more resins of paint than I ever did in the first 20 years of my painting. I can never get them like the references I use or the pictures in my head. 

It’s always easy for people to say that you should only compete against yourself, not worry about what others are doing and look at how your work has changed over the years. I used to be able to do that but now that my ADHD has shifted from hyperactivity to a form of impulsiveness, restlessness and difficulty paying attention that is so much worse than my hyperactivity ever was in my youth; I find I am angrier and having less fun. In the last two years I was diagnosed with RSD; I find that I have petty jealousies against certain things and feelings of disappointment and failure all the time. 

These especially raise their head when I see so many people now doing fantasy horses that I did for years and years and was never really accepted at shows. Now they are a very accepted part of the hobby and every artist does them. I look back at all the ones I have done and were never accepted and see what is winning now and I admit I feel that crushing feeling that everyone just hates me and what I do isn’t worth it. 

I have had years of therapy and working on my feelings and emotions. At times, I have felt like I have made no progress. 

As February approaches, everyone in the hobby is gearing up for NaMoPaiMo (National Model Painting Month) – I am sitting here trying to decide what model to paint. I have competed the last three years and instead of it turning out more fun for me, I find myself saying why bother. I still have my first NaMo horse – I love her and think she is the best of the three. The Second year’s NaMo horse met the trash can and 2019’s horse was recently stripped because while I liked him in the beginning, in October I decided he was crap and stripped the paint off. 

It’s not only with my art that I feel this, but with my music and writing as well. I have been working on songs and a novel for years that I can bear to share in the light of day with anyone, yet in my youth I won a Young Kansas Writing contest and had it published in a model hobby magazine. 

I read a post recently by a well-known hobby artist about NaMo and why bother. Her words were moving, and I have seen and said all those things to myself. 

My problem? I don’t remember what is fun anymore. What made me happy in painting, in music, in writing? 

The things I want to make would scare other people and so I don’t let them see the light of day. Maybe my problem is I am not being true to myself. Luke Skywalker asked Rey in The Rise of Skywalker, “What are you afraid of?”

She replied “myself” and I was literally bawling in the theatre. 

So, my NaMo project for 2020 – is a horse with two sides of me – one is the pretty side I try to show to the world, the other is the beast that lives in my mind; the thing I see in the mirror everyday that whispers all those horrible things to me. 

Maybe by making her into something tangible I can get her out of my head and enjoy art again. 

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Bury your poverty, Dig up your wealth 2020

Okay folks! It's New Year's Eve tomorrow!! And I stole this from my friend Chris Wallbruch years ago. I tried it in 2013 and it was an OK year - I tried it again in 2014 and while it was a rough year - this DID work for me. I did this in 2015 and while the end of the year was not what I expected - it was a very good year. 2016 was just a bitch and while I had no great windfall I have always had the funds to pay what needed to be paid. 2017 I managed to get a little more than I needed, but again no windfall. 2018 I have had a very good year - no windfall- but all the bills paid and I actually have $10 in my savings account (This is saying something considering I have had a $0 balance for a while). 2019 brought a lot of change in aspects of my life and while again no windfall, I have managed to pay my bills (a little late sometimes) but again I have money in savings and a money market now!

It is time to bury your money!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this tradition, what you do is bury a dollar (or any amount above a dollar that you want) in the soil on New Year's Eve. This can be in a houseplant if the ground is frozen or inaccessible, but I like to go outside, dig a hole, and drop my dollar in. (I put it in a plastic bag). As you bury said dollar, say out loud, "I am burying my poverty!" TIP - if you do this outside, make sure you place some sort of marker where you bury your buck so that you can find it again!

On New Year's Day, dig UP the dollar, and as you do so, say out loud, "I am unburying my wealth!"

You can't spend the money- you can either keep it or give it away to charity. Giving it away is the best so you are less likely to spend it.

This tradition is supposed to give you an unexpected windfall of money during the year.

I have had money come to me the 6 years I have done this - while not what I would call a windfall it helped me out of tough times so I am NOT complaining.

It is a tradition I plan on keeping every year and I thank Chris for pointing me to it!!

Dig up your wealth! 

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Remembering Why I Live in Estes Park

So, Monday September 16, is one of those days why I remember I live where I do.

After abusy weekend at the Jennifer Show, Meghan Namaste and I drove up to Estes so she could see another National Park that she hadn't seen.

Working nights in an ER and doing Police Auxiliary and everything else I try to cram into a 24-hour day, I sometimes forget the main reason I live here. While I love my work and where I work,  it's WHERE I LIVE that I really love. Seeing it through someone else's eyes always reminds me to actually stop and look at the mountains and the trees and everything that is truly around me.

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2019 has been a rough year for me and I haven't hiked or been horseback riding. I have really just been working and sleeping and I needed this reminder that there are other things besides that.

Friday, September 20, 2019

The Jennifer Show Part 4

As a final post for the Jennifer Show weekend - I thought that I would share pictures of some of my favorite models owned by others that I saw this weekend.

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So here's to hoping that the Jennifer's hold the show in another 3 years!

The Jennifer Show Part 3

I only slept about 4 hours on Saturday night because I had an allergic reaction to a down comforter at the AirBnB - nothing like breathing difficulty to start the day off.

Sunday was Artist Resin and Micro Mini day. I had very limited of each so I was able to wander the tables and see all the goodies others had out.

My Micro Mini Hazel Resin painted by Stephanie Blaylock won her class.

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My Micro Proud Mary Resin that I painted myself received a 3rd and a 4th in Workmanship and breed.

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My model of my real TWH mare Aspen received a third place.

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My Pipsqueak Resin by Sara Gifford was first in Mini Artist Resin Fantasy.

My Mini Thunderbutt Resin that I did myself was 4th in Mini Artist Resin Fantasy.

My Micro Mini Draft custom that I painted was third.

So not a bad day overall, considering the bumpy start.

Loaded up the truck and crashed at the AirBnB. It was an exhausting but fun weekend.